So This is the New Year…

…and I don’t feel any different.

Just kidding.  I feel a bit different.

It’s funny how quickly things change, how fast things happen, and how your world can change so dramatically in the span of such a short time.  2013 began with large plans, excitement, promises that this year would be the BEST year ever.  7 months in, the bottom dropped out, and here I am, bringing in another new year alone for the first time in many moons.

However, let’s not dwell on the past.  2013 was not a good year.  It was hard, painful, distressing, and about a thousand other sad adjectives that no one wants to read about.

I’ve made a decision.

I’m not going to dwell on the past anymore.  I’m looking ahead, focusing on the future and forgetting (or, at least not thinking) about what’s behind me.  I have an entire year stretched out before me, open and available for anything I can cook up.  It’s all me, now.  Whatever I want to do, I can do it.  2014 will be the year of discovery, organization, adventure, and healing.  It will be the year of preparation.

Resolutions?  Oh yeah, lots of them.  I’m getting a dog.  I’m getting a new tattoo.  I’m buying myself a fancy KitchenAid mixer.  I’m going to Chicago or Austin (or both).  I’m losing all this damn weight that has appeared over the past 3 years (literally and metaphorically).  I’m finally writing something worthwhile that will enable me to (one day soon) be a real, professional writer.  It’s gonna happen.

By the end of 2014, I will be different.  In all the best ways.

Happy New Year, friends.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Well, readers, once again the change has come, and I’m not talking about menopause.

The boy and I have parted ways; the only thing I really have to say about it is that life is strange.  You think you have it planned?  No, nothing ever happens the way you think it’s going to.  Nothing lasts forever; I’ve heard it said that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time, and sometimes prayers aren’t answered.  That’s life.

And so here we are again.  Life is wide open, every path is available to me.  I don’t know where I’ll be in a year, but 3 months ago I had no idea I’d be here, so I guess the plan is just to hold on for the ride.

I’m sad.  I’m confused.  I’m broken  But I’m also hopeful and ready for the future.  I said goodbye to him tonight, summoned my strength and cut all communication.  I didn’t want to.  I wanted to stay, forever, try to make him come back and love me.  But somehow, I knew I couldn’t do that anymore.  For the first time, I chose myself, and my life.

So for the first time in 7 years, his number is gone from my phone.  His name is gone from my Facebook page.  He will probably never be gone from my head (first loves tend to hang around, in a nostalgic sort of way), but he is finally gone from my life.  And for the first time in my adult life, it’s just me.

So join me, readers.  It’s time for the next phase, the future, my next step.  I’d love if you’d join me.