Tonight

Tonight is a night for toasts.

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A toast to the freedom to have a messy desk (it means things are happening there).

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A toast to the freedom to drink wine every night.

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And a toast to the freedom to eat cookies every night.  Or the whole damn box in one sitting (update: I didn’t).

Here’s to sleeping soundly all through the night and keeping a clean house.  Here’s to staying out all night or heading to bed at 9pm, spending all my money on a trip to the beach or adopting 5 dogs.

The point is, some people’s lives are changing tonight.  And some people are settling down.  And there are times I wish I was in their shoes.  But then I step back, and re-evaluate.  Their life is right for them.  Not for me.  I am where I am supposed to be, right in this moment.  I feel like I’m finally coming into my own, emerging as the person I’m supposed to be.  And I’ve had a realization.

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love. I thought I found it once, but turns out it wasn’t real at all. I’ve finally arrived here, and love is finally what I’m looking for.  I love my family.  I love my job.  I love my dog and cats.  But I’m done saying that love isn’t for me.  It is.  I’m ready.

Here’s to being free to do what you want to, and be who you want to be.