Climb, Climb, Climb

They say that the worst thing is to be never satisfied.  To always want more, no matter what we have and how many dreams we’ve accomplished and possessions we have.

Normally, I’d agree with that.

Tonight, however, I made margaritas, and tequila apparently puts me in a pensive mood.

It’s ok to never be satisfied.  It’s ok to always look ahead, plan for the next big thing, strive for something bigger.  How would we grow if we didn’t keep climbing?

The way I see it, there’s a difference between being satisfied and being comfortable.  I’ve been comfortable…I was a nanny for 3 years, and I basically stopped looking for my dream job because the work was easy, the money was good, and I was comfortable.  It’s the classic anecdote – you get stuck at your dead end, 9-5 job and before you know it 30 years have gone by and you’re wondering where time went and why you never did get to those ideas and dreams you’d planned.  You’re happily stuck, because you can pay your bills, have a little bit of fun on the weekend, maybe save a little.  And so there you stay.

However, on the other hand…you could apply to grad school and get your Masters in social work.  You could go to nursing school and work your way up.  You could apply to vet school and open your own practice.  Or, you could quit your job in that field you really didn’t like anyway and get a part-time job editing books and fill in the rest of your days prospecting for clients that desperately need your writing assistance.  And then, after you’ve done that for a few years, you can start your own magazine.  And then you can go back to school, get your PhD, and teach.  You can then finally publish that novel, or collection of short stories, or memoir.

See?  Never be satisfied.  Always want more.  Because life is so damn short…it’s up to us to make our lives the way we want them.  Don’t ever settle.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Well, readers, once again the change has come, and I’m not talking about menopause.

The boy and I have parted ways; the only thing I really have to say about it is that life is strange.  You think you have it planned?  No, nothing ever happens the way you think it’s going to.  Nothing lasts forever; I’ve heard it said that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time, and sometimes prayers aren’t answered.  That’s life.

And so here we are again.  Life is wide open, every path is available to me.  I don’t know where I’ll be in a year, but 3 months ago I had no idea I’d be here, so I guess the plan is just to hold on for the ride.

I’m sad.  I’m confused.  I’m broken  But I’m also hopeful and ready for the future.  I said goodbye to him tonight, summoned my strength and cut all communication.  I didn’t want to.  I wanted to stay, forever, try to make him come back and love me.  But somehow, I knew I couldn’t do that anymore.  For the first time, I chose myself, and my life.

So for the first time in 7 years, his number is gone from my phone.  His name is gone from my Facebook page.  He will probably never be gone from my head (first loves tend to hang around, in a nostalgic sort of way), but he is finally gone from my life.  And for the first time in my adult life, it’s just me.

So join me, readers.  It’s time for the next phase, the future, my next step.  I’d love if you’d join me.

Birthday Resolutions

I was informed yesterday that I needed to make specific birthday resolutions.  So, I acquiesced.  This year, I am going to write more.  I am also going to get into grad school.

I feel as though I’ve turned over a new leaf these past few weeks.  I’ve realized that if I want to be a writer, I have to make myself one.  No one is going to come along and offer me anything; I must go out and do it myself.  So, I’ve made tentative goals.  I’ve made slight plans, but plans nonetheless, and I’m feeling good about them.

In other news, Birthday 27 was a success.  There were pedicures, lunches, family dinners, friend dinners, pools, rain, balloons, and, of course, CAKE.

Yum.

The balloons are currently sitting in the living room, and the puppy is switching between staring at them curiously and avoiding their gaze, probably hoping they’ll just quietly go away.

He’s an odd one, but we love him.

Today begins the 27th chapter of my life, and I begin the journey with a day off, laundry, writing, planning, and chores, all with the boy I’ve chosen to spend the rest of the years with.

Until then, however, I’m headed to lunch with the grandpa.  He’s 87 today, and we’re having lunch.  My treat, of course, as he has already done everything for me.  It’s my turn to give back to him.